Naturally, I find time to read two books... but that's neither here nor there. Writing requires work and effort, while reading requires none. So as you can see, it's a pretty simple choice. As I stated in my last post about wanting to work and wanting to have fun, I'm not progressing much in my situation. I'm too distracted by everything else going on in my life to be able to focus on much else.
Okay, so I will talk about my writing, I will, but I need to talk to someone, anyone, about my almost date. Well not so much the actual almost date, but the guy in general. I've known this guy for several years so we've been really close friends for as long as I've known him. We were even going to try dating, but that didn't work out. I think miscommunication is the killer of all relationships. Give me any relationship and most of them fail due to communication problems. Anyway, this boy isn't just some boy. He asked me the other day what was so different about him, but I couldn't give him an answer. You see, I'm not really sure what is so different about him. Is it his smile? his laugh? his hands? his easy going manner? how easy he is to talk to? or is it simply the chase that I love? Knowing that I can never be with him, the mystery of wondering what it would be like? I don't know, maybe it's just everything about him. Maybe it's the way I feel when I'm around him, that everything is just better when he's there. I feel better about myself, I feel better about life. As my cousin said last night (talking about me no less) "The skies are bluer when I'm with you, the sand feels sandier. I feel whole, complete, like I'm with my other half."
I can live without this boy, I don't need him, but maybe that's what makes me ready to be with him. I was watching Felicity the other night and one episode was about that exactly. The girls were going clubbing and were having a "no guys" night. They finally realized that they don't need guys to be happy, that they are strong independent women. Then one girl says well maybe that means that we can finally be with them. Like, I'm strong enough to be without him, I can stand on my own two feet.
I think that's what we as women need to figure out. How to live without a boy, so we can live with them. If we're always depending on a boy for everything, we won't be our own person; we'll have no identity, other than so and so's woman. I love boys, don't get me wrong. But sometimes, we need to get away from boys to realize what it is that we want and need. Being around a boy makes everything fuzzy, you don't see things as clearly. At least, if the boy's cute. In order to figure out who you are as a person, you need to get away from the dumb boys. :)
Anyway... I don't know why I felt the need to rant about boys for awhile there, but I did. That happens to me a lot. I get a little carried away. And I guess it was writing so I suppose it was productive... There that's my excuse. Since I didn't really talk about my writing at all... I'll post a poem of mine. I wrote it awhile back, when I was feeling a little bitter about pretty much everything and anyone.
LOVE
Just a word,
meaningless really
Used to
elicit good feelings, to make everything better
In reality,
used as blackmail, “If you really love me…”
Used as an
excuse to treat people like shit
Love
Brings temporary
happiness, never lasting
“All you need
is love”
What a joke
The lie any
weak soul will believe
A sign of
vulnerability
Love
The thing
that makes your heart beat fast
Gives you
butterflies
Like walking
on clouds
Until you
fall flat on your ass
Ironic,
isn’t it
That the
thing that put you on a rainbow
Can also
feel like a shot to the head?
Love
For some,
it’s freeing
For others,
it’s a jail cell
Locking you
in until it gets what it wants
Then
throwing you out on the street
Like a piece
of trash
Love
What a joke.
Thanks for reading!!
Hannah (:
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